I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
