I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
