When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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