Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
