We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
