i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
