I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
