He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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