R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
