It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
