Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
