If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
