your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
zippers are such a cool invention
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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