I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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