The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
