Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
