??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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