cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
