I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
