Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
