just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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