if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
