eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
