So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
