Im at strip club and am horny
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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