I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize