i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
