Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
