I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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