They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
