She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
