using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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