did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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