Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
