remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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