Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I am in a vortex of obligation.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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