And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
