He felt like a one man threesome
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
