Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
