I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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