Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
