You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
