omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
