I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
