I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
