I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
