I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
