Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
she woke up with a sticky ear
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
