I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
How naked do you want me to be?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
