I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
