I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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