Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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