You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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