Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
