I could have mohawked her pubes.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
