I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Randomize
