As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
