I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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