she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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