id be glad to
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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