So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize