It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
