Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
